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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27011200">To Have Never Loved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamsonDaForge/pseuds/DamsonDaForge'>DamsonDaForge</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek The Next Generation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Android Vomiting, Angst, Emotion Chip, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Honesty, M/M, Pining, Rejection, Unrequited, daforge - Freeform, relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:09:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27011200</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamsonDaForge/pseuds/DamsonDaForge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As Data grows into his emotion chip and begins to experience more complex and difficult emotions, Geordi is left out in the cold.</p><p>An awful lot of angst is the inevitable result.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Data/Geordi La Forge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Have Never Loved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Data had changed.  It was inevitable, with the emotion chip now fused into his neural net, that he had experienced some wild mood swings and displayed some erratic behaviour.  Months had passed and things had begun to settle down.  He seemed to have a far better understanding of his new emotional life.  The problem was that new life no longer included Geordi.</p><p>He wasn’t sure at first.  Initially, Data was all over the place and so it was hard to tell from a missed game of chess or a last minute dinner cancellation here and there, but as the weeks had gone on, it became clearer and clearer that Data had pointedly started to avoid him.</p><p>After asking him several times and being given the run around, Data had finally agreed to meet Geordi in his quarters to discuss the problem.</p><p>Data was, of course, right on time and Geordi was at least relieved that he hadn’t commed him to cancel.  Whatever this was, it needed to be sorted out.  With Deanna on extended leave, he had really been at a complete loss as to what was going on.</p><p>“Come in,” Geordi said and Data reluctantly entered.</p><p>He looked extremely uncomfortable, but oddly resolute.  It was very strange to see such a combination of emotions on his friend’s face.</p><p>“Do you want to sit down?” Geordi asked.</p><p>“No, I do not wish to sit.”  Data looked like he wanted this to be over as soon as possible.</p><p>“Okay.  I don’t know what’s happened between us,” said Geordi, his mouth as drying as he spoke.  “But if I’ve done something that’s upset you, I’m sorry and I want to put it right.”</p><p>“We have always been honest with each other,” Data said.</p><p>“I’d like to think so, yeah.”</p><p>“Then in the spirit of that history, I will be frank.  When I am near you, I have an overwhelming need to purge my coolant tanks via my oral aperture.”</p><p><em>I make him want to vomit?</em>  Geordi's mind reeled, shock reverberating through him.</p><p>Data continued with mild disgust now evident on his face.  “No one else I have encountered induces this level of discomfort.  There are an inordinate number of memory files and subroutines which concern you and I am having a great deal of difficulty with them.  I have been attempting to write a series of command over-ride programmes to block your affects upon me, but so far they have been unsuccessful.  You remain unbearable to be around.”</p><p>Geordi was completely and utterly speechless.  Inside his head, it was like the gravity was off and he was slowly spinning out of control.  There was no up, no down, no left, no right and the world continued this lazy, slow-motion spin off its axis as Data went on.</p><p>“I understand that this is difficult for you to hear and I am sorry, but I would prefer to limit our contact to purely professional matters.  I have cancelled our remaining holodeck bookings and I will avoid poker when you are present.  Please do not attempt to visit my quarters as you will not be admitted.”</p><p>The hope – that’s what will crush you into dust.  Geordi had allowed himself to hope.  That after all they had been through, after all that they had meant to each other, when Data finally did experience emotion and when he’d finally got a handle on them, Geordi had hoped that Data would feel more than just friendship towards him.  He hadn’t expected or demanded or cajoled, he had just hoped.  With that piece of himself he had always kept so private and so protected.</p><p>But Data didn’t love him.  Data didn’t even like him.  Data could hardly stand to be in the same room as him.  Their years’ of friendship lay shattered on the floor, a distorted, jagged mess of a thing and Geordi no longer knew what to make of it. </p><p>“If you have nothing to say…” Data prompted.</p><p>“What can I say?” he whispered, bewildered and wounded beyond his ability to comprehend.  “I had no idea you felt like this.  None.  Is there anything I can do?”</p><p>“I do not believe so.  The intense sensations are brought about not only by your behaviour, but by the sound of your voice and merely by your presence.  Limiting contact is therefore the preferable solution.”</p><p>“That’s it?” asked Geordi, bereft.</p><p>“I do not see that there is anything else to discuss.  I will be on my way.”</p><p>As Data left, Geordi stared after his friend who was no longer his friend.  The glow that had first captivated Geordi all those years ago was as strong and beautiful as ever.  At least that hadn’t changed.</p><p>Numb and yet still burning with humiliation, Geordi sank onto the couch and did not move for hours.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Data got back to his quarters, he was shaking.  He had kept the interaction with Geordi as cold and detached as he had been able but now he felt as though he was coming apart.  He had run endless diagnostics and found nothing wrong.  And yet, his core was overheating and his memory algorithm was failing to file the latest encounter with Geordi correctly.  A loop of Geordi’s shocked, silent reaction was playing endlessly and Data was becoming increasingly anxious.  Another effect was the purge sequence had booted up and shunted coolant away from his processors.  It was now pooling unpleasantly in his gastric reservoir.</p><p>He had known that seeing Geordi to ‘clear the air’ would be difficult, but this was deeply distressing.  Geordi was physically, mentally and emotionally impossible to be around.  He did not know if limiting it to professional contact would be sufficient.  Data had already been checking on transfer possibilities for them both, should the situation prove intractable.</p><p>It was regrettable and now that Data could feel regret, he understood that Geordi would also be feeling this extreme discomfort.  The connections those thoughts sparked sent a vile wave of static through his epithelial filaments – he broke out in gooseflesh.  He shuddered at the thought of his erstwhile friend.  The nausea that even a single Geordi-tagged memory or sub-routine caused was horrendous.  This shower of thoughts and regrets and guilt had Data on the brink of vomiting. </p><p>“Computer, replicate one bowl, capacity one point five litres.”</p><p>The moment it materialised, Data snatched it up and disgorged the contents of his stomach into it.  The sensations were hideous and were not limited to his stomach or coolant tanks.  His whole being was in wrenching turmoil, the physical and mental distress more that he was able to bear.  The lack of coolant was now affecting his processors and he could feel the heat building in his head and chest.  To compensate, he downgraded his computational speed and uprated the limit on the fans that ran inside his ribcage.</p><p>He should go to Engineering and have his coolant replaced.  He did not wish to go to Engineering.  It would only remind him of Geordi.  A wave of heat flushed Data’s skin as that thought drew a cascade of memories.  Struggling to shut them off, struggling not to feel hot and sick and flushed and panicked, Data crawled into bed and sent himself into torpor.  It was not sleep, exactly, it was designed as a power saving option in extreme circumstances.  He would run on minimum power until morning.  It meant that whilst in this mode, his higher positronic functions would be shut down, his dream programme would not run and his motor functions would be limited to running his fans.</p><p>It was worth it, those empty hours of nothingness, if it meant he would not have to think about Geordi.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Poker night.  Commander Riker’s quarters.</p><p>Geordi had given up going.</p><p>At the end of a shift, it took far longer to get up from Engineering than it did to get down from the Bridge, and so he’d found that Data was always there already.  Everyone felt bad, everyone felt awkward and no one knew what to do when Data wouldn’t take the hint and occassionally acquiesce.  They had suggested formally setting up a second night, but knowing they would have to do that because of him made Geordi feel like a patronised child.</p><p>So poker night was a thing he no longer did.</p><p>Ten Forward, whilst not exactly out of bounds, was difficult territory.  Data with his chip could be gregarious and enthusiastic.  He had always liked to be around people, his fascination with humanity drawing him to the social hub of the ship.  Now he had emotions, he seemed ever more at home amongst the throngs that could be found in the bar.  It was a horrible, horrible irony that Data now sought out company from anyone but him.</p><p>People didn’t realise how awkward and lonely Geordi often felt.  Over-compensation.  That was what one of his school counselors had called it and this inability to gauge how much was too much in a dizzying array of failed relationships had proven that diagnosis right time and again.  And now it had killed the one that meant the most to him in the whole world.  As soon as he’d been able to see him for who he really was, Data had bolted.  Just like all the others.</p><p>Geordi felt deceived in a way.  It wasn’t as if Data had been lying to him all those years, but it felt something like that.  As if Data had been humouring him or had pitied him, filling in as best friend in lieu of anyone else - because only an emotionless android could possibly stand to be around him so much.</p><p>The pain was physical, constantly gnawing away in his gut.  He wasn’t eating properly, he wasn’t sleeping properly, he was snapping at his staff and then apologising.  He was a mess. </p><p>Geordi started to stay later and later in Engineering.  There were always a million things to be done, so it was easy to make that excuse.  It made it easy to avoid the people going out of their way to say hi, being extra-nice because they knew he’d been… why did it feel like the right word was jilted?  They all knew he’d been jilted by his best friend and he really didn’t need sad faces and sympathy reminding him of his complete and utter humiliation.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve known you longer than anyone,” said Will.  “I don’t like to see you miserable.”</p><p>Geordi shrugged.  “Well, I am I guess, so here we are.”</p><p>Commander Riker had stopped by his quarters and, feeling isolated and lonely, Geordi had relented and let him in.</p><p>“You don’t speak up in briefings half as much.  A quiet Geordi.”  Will smiled.  “I’m not used to that.”</p><p>“The sound of my voice makes him want to puke, so… consider it a service to the carpets of the <em>Enterprise.</em>”</p><p>Will laughed, but then he saw that Geordi wasn’t even smiling.  “What?  Seriously?”</p><p>“So he says.”</p><p>“Damn.” </p><p>“You want a drink?” said Geordi.</p><p>“Sure, if you’re having one.”</p><p>When Geordi retrieved a bottle of the hard stuff from a cabinet rather than synthahol from the replicator, Will, to his credit, didn’t say anything.</p><p>Geordi poured a couple of measures of scotch and set the bottle on the table.</p><p>“What are we drinking to?” Will asked as Geordi sat down.</p><p>Geordi ruminated for a moment. </p><p>“Old friends,” he said finally, his voice laced with irony.</p><p>“Ouch,” said Will, but clinked glasses anyway.  “To old friends.”</p><p>Geordi took a good sip of the scotch and the jolt of alcohol burned and then warmed.  By drinking enough of it, Geordi had found that it burned away the bad feelings and warmed that cold, empty socket in the centre of his chest.  Temporarily, but it was better than nothing.</p><p>“Something came across mine and Captain Picard’s desks earlier today.”</p><p>“Yeah?” said Geordi, not especially interested.</p><p>“Yeah.  Saying it caught us both by surprise would be an understatement.  Have you any idea what that might have been?” said Will, clearly testing the waters for some reason.</p><p>“Why would I know what it was?”</p><p>Will nodded, as if that was the answer he’d been expecting and he drained his glass.</p><p>Geordi raised an eyebrow.  “You want another one?”</p><p>“Yeah and I think you’re going to need one too.”</p><p>That gave Geordi pause.  He poured their fresh measures, concern worming in his stomach as he did so.</p><p>“What is it?” he asked.</p><p>“It was a transfer request.  For you.”</p><p>“What?” said Geordi.</p><p>“It’s a request for you to transfer from the <em>Enterprise</em> to the <em>Invincible</em>, effective immediately.  You didn’t know anything about this?  You didn’t make the submission?”</p><p>“God, no!  I— I can’t believe this.”  Geordi’s hand was over his mouth.  He felt sick.  He felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach and stabbed in the back.</p><p>“Don’t worry, it hasn’t been processed.  We were pretty sure it hadn’t come from you, so I said I’d grab a word before we did anything.”</p><p>“Snide <em>bastard</em>,” Geordi murmured.</p><p>Data, as Operations Manager and Second Officer was the de facto head of departments on the ship.  Transfer requests were funnelled through him via the departmental heads.  He was therefore able to submit transfer requests for any and all those below him in the chain of command.</p><p>“It’s a low move,” Will agreed.  “We’re going to pull Data in tomorrow and read him the riot act.  If he doesn’t want to hang out with you off duty, that’s his business, but the second he made that official request, he stepped over a line.  We’re going to make damn sure we snap him back across it.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Data entered the Ready Room, Commander Riker was stood next to the Captain, who was seated behind his desk.  He was not invited to sit, which Data found unsettling and curious.</p><p>“Commander Data,” Picard began, “since your exploration of your emotions began, I believe we have been supportive in your endeavours.  In many ways, to see you experience things you had always thought beyond your reach has been a privilege.”</p><p>“Thank you, Captain.”  These kind words from his commanding officer provided Data with a surge of activity in his anterior cortical node.  It was very pleasurable.</p><p>“There have been several incidents whereby we have allowed the developing sense of your emotional world to continue unchecked, despite their sometimes inappropriate timings.”</p><p>Data felt the heat of embarrassment flush his dermal layers.  “I am ashamed of those outbursts and I believe they are now under control.”</p><p>“I am aware that this is still an area of development, despite your progress.  However, I will not allow your emotional turbulence to impact on the running of my ship or the lives of my crew.”</p><p>The captain’s tone had hardened considerably, as had his expression.  Data suddenly felt very, very small.  It was a curious sensation and one that he did not like.</p><p>“I received Commander La Forge’s transfer request yesterday,” Picard said.</p><p>“It is within my remit—” said Data, trying and failing to supress the volley of nauseating emotions the mention of Geordi’s name provoked.</p><p>“For operational reasons!” Picard shouted.  “In consultation with your commanding officer!”</p><p>“Should a suitable position have arisen for myself, the transfer request would have been for me.”</p><p>“That is no excuse!  To treat a fellow officer and a friend with this level of callousness— I find it staggering.  How dare you place your personal feelings above those of Commander La Forge and his career?  Above the requirements of this ship?”</p><p>Data felt unstable, like the floor was moving beneath him.  The illusion, he found, was caused by the reduction in hydraulic pressure in his lower limbs.  He did not like it.  Nausea rolled in his stomach, the sound of servo-fluid roared in his ears.</p><p>“My actions were not purely motivated by personal feelings,” Data said, his voice wavering.</p><p>“Explain to me,” said Commander Riker, his voice chill and cold.  It was most unlike his usual good humoured tone.  “Explain to me how this is anything other than a personal vendetta.”</p><p>“It is in the operational interests of the ship that—”  Data had to pause as the thought of having to say Geordi’s name caused a spike in his fluidic pressure and the triggering of a multitude of memory access subroutines.  He could not bring himself to say the words so he altered them.  “That the Operations Manager and Chief Engineer work closely together.  That is no longer possible and it has begun to affect efficiency and outcomes.”</p><p>“Mr Data, you are going to have to learn to set aside those feelings.”  Picard fixed him with an unwavering gaze.  “We do not have the luxury of choosing with whom we work.  That you would use your position as Second Officer to try to remove Commander La Forge from this ship is a gross abuse of power.  The ending of your friendship is a personal matter.  Allowing it to affect your professional relationship is an indulgence which is at an end.  Is that clear?”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” said Data, experiencing a severe power drain as he attempted to integrate this complex, distressing and difficult incident into his positronic net.</p><p>Captain Picard pulled down his tunic.  “If there is a recurrence of this behaviour I will not hesitate to begin disciplinary procedures.  You have escaped official censure by the skin of your teeth.  Dismissed.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“God, Deanna,” said Will, “I am so glad that you’re back tomorrow.”</p><p>She smiled out from the small screen on the desk in his quarters.</p><p>“You missed me that badly?” she teased.</p><p>“Of course I did, but… I need to give you a head’s up on what’s been going on.”</p><p>“I’ve got your latest reports and my schedule of appointments.  What’s the matter, Will?”</p><p>“Something’s happened.  Between Data and Geordi.”</p><p>Deanna’s smile broke out into a wide, bright grin.  “That’s wonderful, Will!”</p><p>“Wait.  No, Deanna, they’re—”  He had to think for a second how best to phrase it.  “They’re estranged from each other.”</p><p>“What?”  Deanna’s face was a picture of confusion.  “How is that possible?”</p><p>“I don’t exactly know.  Data can’t stand to be around Geordi.  He says it makes him physically sick.  Geordi’s in bits, I hardly see him around anymore.  So, it’s not been great, in fact it’s been pretty grim.  Data tried to have Geordi transferred last week.”</p><p>“He did what?”  She looked horrified.  “I don’t understand any of this.”</p><p>“Join the club.”</p><p>“I thought you were going to say they’d got together!”</p><p>“Why would you think that?  I mean, I know Geordi’s been carrying a torch, but Data?  No, he’s made it very clear that he wants as little to do with Geordi as is possible.”</p><p>“How did this happen?”</p><p>“I don’t know the details.  I know something had been brewing for several weeks.  Data had been avoiding Geordi for a while and things came to a head.”</p><p>“This is awful,” Deanna whispered.  “It’s all wrong.”</p><p>“I know.  I can’t believe it.  They were so tight.  Like how they nearly always sat next to each other in briefings?”  Will shook his head.  “Now Geordi is always last in and first out, he sits as far from Data as he can and he hardly speaks.”</p><p>“Why aren’t either of them on my appointment schedule?  Why aren’t they both?”</p><p>“Geordi is stubbornly refusing anybody’s help, trying to pretend he’s not busted into pieces over this.  Data, I think he feels aggrieved by the fact Captain Picard pulled him up on that transfer stunt.  He says the situation is much improved, but I’m not sure I believe him.  He’s gone quiet too.”</p><p>“You could order them.”</p><p>“I’ve thought about it.  It still might come to that.  But I want you to see them informally if you can. A chat in the corridor, or Ten Forward, or wherever.  If anyone can figure out what the hell’s going on with these two, it’s you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The forlorn engineer was sat across the table from Deanna in Ten Forward.  It was early, way before the end of the nightshift and the bar was otherwise empty.  Deanna had found him sat there alone, staring out at the stars.</p><p>“I thought to start with it was something I’d done,” Geordi said.  “That I’d upset him somehow.”</p><p>“When he first started avoiding you?”</p><p>“Yeah.  After a while, I just needed to know.  And eventually he told me.”  Geordi finished his drink.  “Boy did he tell me.”</p><p>Humiliation was burning off Geordi like a fever. </p><p>“Can you tell me what he said?”</p><p>An aching sense of loss rippled through his shame.</p><p>“If you really want to know, he said I’m unbearable to be around.  To the point that he will actually vomit, apparently.”  He looked across the table at her, downhearted and adrift.  “I mean, what can you say to that?”</p><p>“What <em>did</em> you say?”</p><p>“Hardly anything.  You know how afterwards, you think up a thousand things you could have said?  Not with this.  It’s like it just happened a second ago.  And it still feels like a kick in the guts.”</p><p>Deanna could feel it, thought it felt more like a raw, open wound that Data had inflicted, one that was unhealed and endlessly picked over.</p><p>“I’m here for you, professionally and personally, to help you both make sense of what has happened and help you find a way through.”</p><p>“Have you spoken with him yet?”</p><p>Deanna felt a twist of desperate hope from Geordi, which was nearly unbearable in its purity and its plaintive need. </p><p>“Only briefly.  I’m still trying to get a complete read on him.  I experience his emotions very differently.  He seems very confused.”</p><p>Geordi’s surprise and disbelief pushed into Deanna’s head.  He hadn’t been expecting that.</p><p>“<em>He’s </em>confused?  He should try being me.  He seemed pretty damn certain when he tried to put me off the ship.”</p><p>“I don’t know what to tell you, but the sense I got from him was that…”  Deanna paused, trying to find the words to describe what she had felt from Data.  “The sense I got from him was that he was flailing.”</p><p>Geordi’s expression and emotion combined to give Deanna a picture-perfect image of complete and utter incredulity.</p><p>“Flailing?  That isn’t really a Data kind of word, Counselor.”</p><p>“That was how it felt.  Like he was chaotically falling and he’s trying to desperately catch himself.”  She shook her head.  “We can make this better, I think.  In the meantime, I want you to try to take better care of yourself, running yourself into the ground won’t help.”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>“I’ve seen the last few weeks’ duty logs.  Working those sorts of hours with little rest in between is a recipe for disaster.”</p><p>“What else am I supposed to do?  Sit in my quarters for hours every night?”</p><p>“There are a hundred things.”</p><p>“And I used to do those hundred things with him,” Geordi said and quite suddenly, he was very close to tears.</p><p>Deanna felt him batter that emotion back with a kind of brutality that the engineer would only ever use upon himself.</p><p>“Stop being so hard on yourself.  Everybody wants to see the situation resolved and I’m sure we can make this less difficult and less painful.”</p><p>“It is resolved,” said Geordi.  “At least as far as Data’s concerned.  As long as I keep out of his way, he’s fine.”</p><p>“He’s not.  I don’t know what he is yet, Geordi, but Data isn’t fine.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Data sat.  He was trying for calm, polite expectancy but failing horribly.  His eyes were, if not quite darting around the room, they were skidding off the walls and the table and the floor of Deanna’s office.  He was looking everywhere but at her.  His hands were unsettled in his lap, the fingers folding and unfolding and then fidgeting at unseen lint on his uniform.  Then he would catch himself and Deanna would watch him try to forcibly still those ticks and tells while his emotions flittered and churned in an unholy mess.</p><p>It was quite the onslaught and Deanna was very carefully trying to pick her way through the tangle of Data’s emotions.</p><p>“I have been much improved since—”  He broke off abruptly, supressing a shudder as a feeling that might have been anxiety roared forth from him.  It felt precipitous.  “I have been much improved.”</p><p>“I’m going to say something to you in a moment and it will make you feel uncomfortable.  I’m getting a very mixed and confused set of emotions from you and I need to start to parse them before I can really help you.  Is that okay for me to do?”</p><p>Data looked very dubious, his expression was almost puppy-dog-desperate in its desire to avoid unpleasantness.  There was something childlike and juvenile about that too, something immature, which Deanna needed to get to the bottom of.</p><p>“I do not know, Counselor.  I believe I know what you will say.”  He shuddered more noticeably and his unfathomable rush of emotions pushed hard at Deanna’s mind.  “I do not wish to hear that word.”</p><p>Not only was Data desperate to avoid any mention of Geordi, his use of the phrase ‘that word’ rather than ‘his name’ disturbed Deanna.  It was as if he was trying to erase Geordi as a person from his mind entirely.</p><p>“Take a moment to centre yourself.  If we go ahead and do this exercise, I want you to try to separate a piece of you from the emotions that you are experiencing.”</p><p>“I have attempted such a thing on many previous occasions.  I have not been successful.  I am overcome.  My other processes are relegated to secondary or tertiary functions which I am unable to remedy.”</p><p>“Are you able to provide a system report following an intense episode of emotion?  If you are unable to observe during, are you able to describe what happened afterwards?”</p><p>“There is a complete log available, though it is limited to a fixed data-set of pre-selected parameters.”</p><p>“Along with your subjective experience of how you felt, that could be very useful.  I think you are putting on a brave face.  You have done incredibly well, but I think you have been struggling with the transition from primary emotions into the more complex.  Is that fair to say?”</p><p>Data looked at his shoes and nodded unhappily.  “I did not think it would be so difficult.  It has got more so, not less as time as gone on.  It is so chaotic.  I feel I must now hide how I feel from everybody.”</p><p>“Oh Data,” Deanna said, a clear wave of sadness breaking over her.</p><p>As that feeling ebbed a little, Troi realised Data’s last statement wasn’t quite true.  There was one person he had been completely honest with and it made Deanna’s heart ache.  Even if they could not be reconciled, Deanna needed to heal this rift as best as she could.</p><p>“I do want to try this,” she said.  “You trust me to take care of you, don’t you Data?”</p><p>“Of course.”  He looked up at her with a sorrow in his eyes.  “You will not like it.”</p><p>“Part of my job is to feel the things people find painful or difficult or uncomfortable.  I can help you with this, but it won’t always be easy.  May I say the word?”</p><p>Data was stock still for a long time before he very reluctantly nodded.</p><p>Deanna took a breath and said, “Geordi.”</p><p>She had felt Data trying to fend off his emotions for the whole appointment, but the moment she said Geordi’s name his defences collapsed.  A nauseating blast hit Deanna square in the stomach as it simultaneously crashed into her mind.  It churned and boiled with an intensity that was nearly overwhelming.  Deanna’s fingers dug into the arms of her chair and she took several very long, very deep breaths.</p><p>Beneath that initial onslaught was a teeming, heaving jumble of a thousand emotional jolts.  Each one fired off down myriad pathways that had become accustomed to a certain someone’s inputs.</p><p>Data was grimacing, one hand pressed against his chest whilst the other had curled into a fist.</p><p>“Counselor,” he moaned.  “I am experiencing a fluidic pressure event.”</p><p>Deanna got him a bowl and was amazed to feel and see Data throw up into it.  As she stood next to him, rubbing his back, a slightly viscous, yellow-tinged liquid splashed into the bowl.  It was accompanied by the vile sensation of something attempting to rupture.  Deanna’s mind flushed with the extreme discomfort of it and she felt a dry, sickly heat begin to throb in the middle of her belly.  Her legs began to feel weak and there was a possibility that she might faint in a second.  She sat down next to Data before she fell down, her hand still supportively stroking Data’s shoulder.</p><p>She pulled herself back from the brink and took a few more of those deep, calming breaths.  Data’s coolant purge was over and he was slowly emerging from the emotional cyclone they had both just experienced.</p><p>“My goodness,” Deanna said when she felt that they were both now able to talk.</p><p>Data looked at her, profound misery was etched on his face and it was radiating off him in powerful waves.</p><p>“I apologise,” he said.  “It was distressing for you.”</p><p>“It was… intense, Data, but very informative.  Thank you for being brave enough to allow that.”</p><p>There was a little pout on his lips which made him look impossibly young and incredibly vulnerable.</p><p>“I do not feel brave,” he almost whispered.</p><p>“Which is why it is.  I can still feel you struggling now.  Can you take me through what you just experienced and what you are still experiencing now?”</p><p>“The word instigates an involuntary series of both physical and mental events.  Coolant is shunted away from my primary systems and backfills my gastric reservoir.  Lack of hydraulic pressure in my lower limbs causes inaccurate sensory data to be fed to my proprioception locus.  If I am standing, I feel an overwhelming need to sit.  A cascade of memory files and sub-routines activate.  I am unable to control them or shut them down.  They feed into the coolant and hydraulic issues and exacerbate them, meaning a purge is required to avoid a rupture as volume exceeds capacity.  The memories also cause an associated fluctuation in the diodes in the left side of my chest cavity.  This should not be, as the systems are not linked.  However, the diode array repeatedly fires and shuts down in rapid succession.  I begin to overheat and must run my internal fans above tolerance to maintain my systems.”</p><p>Deanna stared at Data.  Everything she had felt.  Everything he had just told her.  It was extreme, it was unmodified and it was raw, but everything pointed to one inevitable conclusion.</p><p>“You feel sick.  You feel hot.  You’re weak at the knees.  Your heart flutters.  You can’t stop thinking about him.”  Deanna took his hand and said very softly, “Data, you’re in love.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Geordi was standing in front of the replicator in his quarters, scrolling mindlessly through menu options.  He sighed as one after another drifted by: nothing appealed.</p><p>“Whatever I had last Tuesday,” Geordi said, giving up.</p><p>Paella.  He remembered vaguely thinking picking the mussels from their shells would kill a few extra minutes.</p><p>He sat down at the table and began listlessly eating, aware that scotch wasn’t the traditional accompaniment to seafood.  After a few mouthfuls, the door chime sounded.</p><p>Exhaling heavily, Geordi said, “Come in.”</p><p>Nothing happened for a second and then the door opened and Data stepped inside.</p><p>Astonished to see him walk through the door, Geordi stared, open-mouthed at the spectacle in front of him.  Data was very agitated, shuffling from one foot to the other, as if the floor was boiling hot.  He was looking directly at Geordi with a kind of insane focus and his wide, unblinking eyes were drilling holes through his VISOR.  He was as animated as Geordi had ever seen, a kaleidoscope of emotions were shifting across that beautiful, expressive face.</p><p>When he didn’t speak, Geordi found his own voice and said, “What is it you want?”</p><p>He tried to keep his voice formal and detached, despite the way his heart had leapt when seeing Data enter.  Geordi kicked himself for that, for not being able to be cool and calm and remote.</p><p>“I have come to tell you something,” said Data, unable to keep still.</p><p>“Okay, I’m listening.”</p><p>“I have to tell you something,” Data babbled, almost himself.  “I must.  I must tell you.”</p><p>Then Data made a quite extraordinary noise.  It was a strangulated rallying cry of sorts which rocked Geordi back in his chair.</p><p>“You’re freaking me out a little here,” Geordi said.</p><p>“I love you,” said Data.</p><p>Geordi felt his brain flip inside out.  There was no way he had just heard what he’d just heard.  Then Data said it again.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Data’s face crumpled and he started to cry.  Huge, deep, wracking sobs that sent him to his knees.  Geordi was out of his chair and had closed the distance between them in a second.  Data grabbed for him and pressed his face into Geordi’s stomach, his long arms holding on so tight, as though he thought he might be drowning.  His fingers curled into the fabric of Geordi’s tunic, clinging on desperately.</p><p>Geordi wrapped an arm around Data’s shoulders and cradled his head.</p><p>“I love you,” Data wept, his words muffled by being spoken into Geordi body.  “I am so sorry.  I love you.  I did not know.  I am so sorry that I hurt you.  I love you.  I love you.  I did not know I loved you.  Forgive me.  Forgive me, I am so sorry.”</p><p>As his solid frame shook against him, Geordi rocked Data gently, trying to soothe his distress.</p><p>“It’s all right,” Geordi said, tears standing in his eyes.  “I love you too and it’s going to be all right.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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